“How I got my wings back!” – An inspirational story told by one of our beautiful retreat guests, Kim Smadis of Pure Life Balance.
I didn’t think I would have to travel halfway around the world to get my physical and mental strength back, but I did! It was truly the only way I believe I mended my soul, healed my body and got my wings back! You see, my husband of 15 years has called me “His Angel on Earth” even before we were married. Yes my husband is so crazy he even got it tattooed on his arm, this beautiful angel with these big, gorgeous wings. It is a beautiful tattoo, but a little crazy to get it on your arm! But I love him! He is my rock, and even when I was at my weakest point during my journey, he still made me feel like I was his angel!
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and didn`t know if it had metastasis into my lungs, I did not know what my future held for me. My wings at this point were shattered. With the aggressive treatment of chemotherapy, radiation and a double mastectomy I honestly didn`t know if I would ever smile again. I couldn`t even listen to music because I didn’t want to feel it, I didn`t want to smile! I would drive in silence. I was bitter towards people that were happy. Then losing my Grandma and then my Mom, my wings were non-existent. They closed and became my shield, I became so guarded, and full of hate, it was very hard to put on a smile. I knew I didn’t want to live this way. I thought after beating breast cancer I would go back to my new normal. I am strong, I am okay now, life will return to normal. Well, I was far from okay. My career was suffering and I couldn’t function like I used to. I definitely couldn`t juggle raising four boys, a fast pace career and a household. I felt like I was falling apart. This led me to Natural Instinct Healing (NIH). The place that gave me my wings back! A 10 day Transformation Program to heal your mind, body and soul through Detox. With the love and support of my family, friends and co-workers I booked my flight! At that time I didn’t know what it was, but something was calling me to this retreat at NIH.
There I am at the airport about to travel half way across the world, and all I could think of was that I am leaving my world, my husband and four boys! It was my boys (including my husband) that pushed me to go. My husband said “I know you are in there, go find her, and bring her home. We miss her!“ With that, I went through security and I was on my way. Landing in Vancouver for a brief stop, I was wanting to return home. I thought I do not have the strength to do this! There I am in the middle of the night, sitting in the Vancouver Airport, crying uncontrollably! I then opened a beautiful gift from some amazing people that I work with. You see, they gave me a beautiful pink box, and when I opened it, there was a letter for each day of my journey! I thought I was crying before, now there is a pool of tears around me! With that encouragement of my first letter I was on my way! No turning back now!
When I arrived in Bali I was so very nervous until I got to my resort. Becky my host came and greeted me with the most beautiful smile, and with open arms said, “Welcome Beautiful”. This was the first moment I knew I was going to be okay! At this point, the healing, fasting, juicing began! I soon met my Detox retreat members and instantly felt connected. We were all there for different reasons, but yet God brought us together at this very point in time to help each one of us heal! These people will always hold a special place in my heart!As I soon learned about the program which included dry brushing, detox herbs, wonderful juices, massages, contrast baths, educational classes and so many other things, I knew this was exactly what I needed! One of the first things we did was see an Ancient Balinese Healer. He was so amazing! After he examined me, and pushed on pressure points, he said there is nothing wrong with you. “You are Healthy!” He then paused and said, “Your only problem is you doubt! Don’t doubt no more! You live and go forward! No doubt!”. I never said a word to the man! He just saw my fragile soul and told me what I needed to hear!
I truly believed at this point I am going to be OK! I am healthy but I still had this weight hanging around. In a few days we visited the High Priestess and she performed a Purification Ceremony. When she first started pouring the water on me I couldn’t breathe. She then began to yell at me, “Let it go, stomp your feet, let it out. It is no good for you. Let it out”. At this point I could not control the emotions that came out of me. Crying with such emotion, and truly releasing everything, I was finally able to breathe no matter how much water she poured as she chanted. She smiled at me and stopped pouring the water! Our eyes met and I knew I found what I was looking for. I felt PURE again! I released the anger that for so long held me down.
Every 2nd day we would go to a beautiful spa and spend a couple of hours going between sauna, steam rooms, whirlpools and cold plunge pools. It was so exhilarating! Many good conversations took place! Becky, Kate and Pat (our hosts) were amazing! Becky and Kate lead us through some amazing meditations. One in particular I will never forget! You see in the time of grief, you gain new friendships and family, but also lose some that meant a lot to you. When you lose these relationships you need to grieve their loss. In this one meditation I put all my hurt and anger into a “Red Ball” and let it go! I let it all float away in that “Red Ball” with these magical words, “I love you, I honor you, but I let you go”. It was in this same meditation I realized I will never find what I had been looking for the last few years.With dealing with an ill mother for so many years, and then losing both my Mom and Grandma in a short period of time, I so desperately wanted a mother figure in my life! You see I am surrounded by strong males. I have a wonderful father, three strong brothers, a great husband and four great boys! I love them all, but none of them can take the place of a mother’s love which I so desperately needed to feel. Going through my cancer journey, I needed nothing more than my mom to put her arms around me and tell me that it is going to be okay, but with her illness she couldn’t do this. She needed me to be strong for her. I also put these feelings in that “Red Ball” and let it go. That night, I cried over the loss of my Mom, Grandma, and lost relationships but this time I truly let them go, and realized I would be okay!
We had many enjoyable Yoga sessions, and massages throughout the 10 day transformation. I spent a lot of time in my beuatiful bedroom reflecting and absorbing each moment of my experience. I looked forward to every morning opening a beautiful letter from co-workers! Each day seemed to magically fit with what I needed to hear! The educational sessions that Becky held were amazing! She helped me realize the health changes I needed to make for my family and I. She even helped me figure out lunch ideas for my boys! She took us on beautiful rice patty walks, and comforted us whenever we needed it!
One of the last lessons I learned In Bali was from Made, our driver. Made, drove us everywhere during our stay and made sure we were taken care of. On the drive to the airport, I realized Made was one of the most amazing men I had ever met. His smile could light up a room. When I listened to his story about everything he is doing for his village, so that his family and extended family can have a better life, it re-affirmed my belief that it truly does take a village to raise a family. It made me really question how we were raising our boys and the priorities that needed to change to keep them grounded! That our true purpose in life is bigger than most of us realize! This is when PURE | lifebalance was born! I knew my purpose was greater than I ever imagined, and I had to share my story and knowledge to empower people to make better health choices.
As my transformation came to an end, I truly felt ready to go home! I felt light, free, and happy! I felt the old me coming out, but I knew my soul was different! It was better than ever! I felt strong and PURE! But most importantly, I knew I had my wings back! I was ready to SOAR!
When I landed back home and saw my beautiful family waiting for me, it was magical! I felt the love like I never felt before. My guard was down and my wings were open. I was allowing myself to feel that pure love! After spending several moments in my husband’s arms, he grabbed my face and looked into my eyes and said, “Welcome Back!”. In this very moment, my new life began with a much greater appreciation for how blessed I am!
Source: Pure Life Balance – Kim Smadis
