There are challenging processes that we all have to face, but during these times you can start to feel powerless. From the story we play out in our heads to the physical body not functioning how it should be, sometimes it feels like things are so out of control and you’re just riding the crazy train.
But, what if we actually had the power to pull the handbrake?
Finding Your Worth – Kate’s Story
As I look back on my teenage years, I can see myself as an athletic, outgoing and sociable. I was by no means a tormented teenager. I loved school, my friends, family and life – I had it pretty good.
But, then there was a pivotal moment in my life that hit hard when I was around the age of 15.
I got sick. It was a case of acute glandular fever that relentlessly attacked my body making me lethargic, tired, swollen and miserable. As the blood tests slowly came through, it became clear there was nothing I could do to move past this diagnosis. Months went by with a constant stream of antibiotics and Panadol becoming my only saving grace.
Months went by, and still bedridden and suffering from a suppressed immune system, another bout of further testing showed I had Ross River Fever, a particularly invasive virus carried by mosquitoes. Sprinkle on top of that a ruptured appendix, and this usually bubbly 15-year-old Kate, went from healthy and happy to gaunt, depressed and a weak shell of a girl.
It wasn’t until I had reached my peak sickness that my mother took the reins and booked an appointment for me to see a naturopath. As I sat in that consultation room, my life began to change.
It was an hour and a half of questions, things that no other medical professional had asked me before. What did I dream about? What foods did I like? Was I more prone to hot or cold? My brain certainly got a full workout, but I had a glowing feeling of being nurtured.
This was the first time someone was trying to understand me in a way that was going to give me the tools and wisdom to understand myself.
When I completed my analysis session with the homeopath, she gave me some remedies and dietary advice, but the elementary thing, that golden piece of wisdom she presented to me, was meditation.
I hadn’t a clue what it was, I’d never done it before and certainly wasn’t something on my radar of a good pastime. But, as I started meditating I began connecting the dots between how what I was eating and my internal thought processes were all affecting my biochemistry.
While this was a starting point for my health journey, the most treasured and valuable seed the homeopath planted within me was, “I’m more powerful than I think I am.” If I can change my feelings, thoughts and energy, then there’s so much more I can transform within myself.
Like any of us during a time of powerlessness, we lose that little bit of ourselves. My healing experiences have been part of what makes me, well, me. Since beginning my journey as a 15-year-old girl, I’ve learned so much about the power within.
Find Your Power and Know Your Worth
Unworthiness is an old pal of mine. Like so many amazing people on this earth, I get caught up in the waves of feeling as if I’m not good enough. I get an internal chatter that keeps trying to reaffirm that “I don’t deserve it, I can’t do it,” whatever the story is at the time, the core theme is, ‘I am unworthy.’
For me, this unworthiness manifests in multiple ways but I have one clear vision of when I co-founded Natural Instinct Healing. My head was swimming with thoughts of whether I could even pull it off, was I big enough to carry it through?
But, deep down in hindsight, the real question I was asking here was, “Am I good enough?” With my brain sticking to its original narrative, I went headfirst into work. Pushing myself to the absolute limit, running as many retreats as possible, seeing clients and finding excuses to care for everyone else, whilst neglecting myself in my pursuit to prove my worth.
Enter from stage right, another dear friend ‘Burnout.’ – Tada! Now, my body started screaming at the top of its lungs, “Come home!”
Luckily, I knew what to do, so I want to pass on this piece of wisdom to you.
Now, this is where it’s wise to do some inner work, especially within the subconscious mind, because locked away in there are some of the old stories, conditioning and trauma we’ve experienced our entire lives. You need to address it to stop the story from unravelling again.
Make space for yourself and meditate on your thoughts for a few moments. Meet your unworthiness, and speak to it like an old friend, ask him, “Am I going to fuck up? Of course, I am. Will it fail? Probably. Does it matter? Not at all.”
It’s surprising how these thoughts can melt away. Now, it won’t go away entirely, but what this does is stop it from grabbing the megaphone and shouting.