It feels as if I have had more realisations or ‘ah-ha’ moments throughout the last 4 months then I have my entire life. Being struck with a severe sickness not only took away my capacity to move my physical body, but also has had a huge impact on my mental and spiritual awareness and subsequent growth.
Something I have preached my whole adult life and teach on a day to day basis is the importance of understanding that we are so much more than this physical body. To be completely thriving in life, we need to be healthy in all aspects of ourselves.. Mind, body and spirit! I knew this to be true, however what I didn’t realise was how much my physical body was blocking the connection to my emotions and spirit.
Physical movement is a huge part of my life, It’s a non negotiable activity which I love to do. It’s also an energy release, it’s how I would get out of my ‘funk’, it’s what I would do whenever I was feeling down or if I was having some kind of trouble in my life. Some people do this through eating, smoking, drinking etc. For me however, moving my body was my number one coping mechanism. When that coping mechanism was swept away from beneath me I realised how incredibly powerful my mind is and how much ‘sh*t’ I was constantly pushing down with sweat. Even though this was a ‘healthy’ way to release, I was relying on it like a 2 year old relies on her mother to keep her alive.
The electric currents of guilt that came through my entire body after months of bed rest was excruciating. A lot of old wounds bubbled to my awareness at this time, however the main emotion and mindset on repeat, was guilt.
Guilt of not being able to move my body, guilt of not being able to work, not being able to connect with people, not achieving my goals, not striving etc the list was endless. I couldn’t accept my situation and I was finding it so hard to allow myself to completely surrender in what I was going through.
“Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body”
As I was going through this it made me think just how many people live with guilt and shame hovering around them on a daily basis. Especially through the power of social media now it is so easy to peak into other people’s lives. This can be great and motivating but it can also be really damaging. If you are having a bad day, week or month and then watching all these people who are excelling (or at least reflecting the perception of this) in their life, it can cause you to be ashamed of who you are and where you are at.
Everyone is on their own journey, and when things get a little bumpy it does not mean you are on the wrong track. Every bump is a lesson, every curve is a deeper understanding of yourself and why you are here. If you are going through anything at the moment (big or small), these emotions are completely normal for you to feel, don’t try and push them down or release them from your body. Approach them with radical self love, compassion and awareness as they have arisen for a reason.
For me, they taught me what I already knew to be true, yet forced me to completely embody : My power doesn’t come from my physical strength. My power comes from deep self acceptance, from what I believe in, my values, my pure inner essence of who I truly am!